Why do I...

... let my babies feed themselves solid foods? Why don't I buy, or at least make, baby food? Don't babies need to start with purees? Don't babies need the extra nutrition from baby food, and how will they get enough by self-feeding?

Short answer: Because I'm lazy and cheap. ;)


Okay, so letting a baby self-feed really is much easier, that is for sure. You don't have to spoon-feed the baby first and then feed yourself, or alternate between the two. Everybody eats together, in a social family setting. I like that aspect of it.

The main reasoning for me is this: breastmilk should be the main source of nutrition for at least 12 months - that's right, 12 months! - of a child's life. If a baby is being formula-fed, it should also provide the bulk of the calories received in the first year. Solid food is for learning, for experimentation, and for a bit of nutrition. But it should not be replacing large amounts of nursing time. Breastmilk still provides the most crucial, specially tailored nutrients and immunological factors for a baby. Breastmilk can easily sustain a child completely for his first year of life... it sure did for my first child, who didn't eat hardly any solid food until she was over 13 months old!

In our culture, it is considered the norm to begin solids at either four or six months, regardless of baby's readiness signs. Parents are often made to feel that their baby must eat purees right at this age, and that if they do not, their baby might not get enough nutrition. Many people recommend rice cereal at age 4 months - which really has little to no nutritional value and is just a filler than can actually cause constipation issues for babies.

If you walk down the baby food aisle in a grocery store, you will see all the foods: purees, chunkier jarred foods, finger foods marketed specifically towards babies, juices, and now even toddler meals and snacks. Don't even get me started on the toddler snacks - why can't a toddler just eat crackers and rice cakes and diced fruit that older children and adults eat? Anything to make money, I guess... I have even seen juice containing "less sugar" marketed to young children - and guess what, it is half water, and it costs more than the full concentrated equivalent! Why not just water down your own juice at home? Again, it's all in the marketing... it says "For Kids" on it, so it must be more appropriate for them and we'd better buy it!

So... following biological norms, a baby is breastfed on demand, meaning whenever he is hungry or wants to nurse for comfort or whatever, and this continues at least until he is well into solids at age 12 months or older. The baby then is assured of getting the proper nutrients he requires before too many of them are replaced by solid foods. His system can gradually get used to the new foods while he is still nourished in the best way.

So, some of the readiness signs for solids: baby can sit unassisted or with little support, can hold up his head well; baby is approximately six months old; baby is developing the pincer grasp - that is, the ability to pick up small objects between thumb and forefinger, and baby can bring objects to his mouth; baby has lost the "tongue-thrust reflex" in which he involuntarily pushes foreign objects out of his mouth; baby has the ability to turn his head away to show he is full or uninterested in the food; baby has gotten a tooth or two.

I was so glad to know that last one... when Caroline still had no teeth at age one, I could still rest assured that her digestive system was going to be a little slower to develop, and I didn't have to worry that she would "never eat." Other people tended to be amazed (in a bad way!) that she wasn't eating anything once she was over six months old. I would have been concerned as well if it hadn't been for the support from La Leche League and our pediatrician not being worried about it.

At first glance, purees seem developmentally appropriate... a baby hasn't eaten any solids before, so you wouldn't want to start with a huge hunk of parmesan cheese, right? Of course not. But it is possible to skip most or all of the purees if you wait until the baby is over six months. Once the baby is able to pick up foods and bring them to his mouth, you can start finger foods. These must be small and mushy at first... ripe banana and avocado are great first foods. They can even be mashed a bit if baby seems to have trouble with small chunks. There is even one line of thinking that babies can be given large chunks and can nibble off small bites, as long as they are watched closely in case of choking. I gave my second child large pieces at about eight months old and she handled them well. I also gave her small pieces, and she was able to practice fine motor coordination while picking them up.

I love the idea of the baby being able to control how much he eats. This can happen with spoon feeding as well, but it is easier to overfeed a baby by spoon than it is to overfeed him by letting him feed himself! Especially with a baby under six months old, he may not indicate when he is feeling full. Parents sometimes feel the urge to get the baby to finish off a jar of food or to eat "just one more bite," especially if they have been feeding out of the jar (because you are supposed to throw the rest away if you have been spooning directly out of the jar).

With self-feeding, the baby can begin to experience the family's "real" food rather than purees that nobody else is eating. The baby can take part in the family act of eating the meal, and he can have bits and pieces that are appropriate for his age, or he can have some plain fruits and veggies taken from the main meal if he cannot eat all the foods offered (such as dairy products, which are not recommended until ages 9-12 months). The baby gets used to the form of the foods and how they look and taste rather than to the feel and taste of pureed foods.

I think the baby food market really got into the swing of things when infant formula became popular. Measuring and accounting for what baby took in was seen as the "scientific" way of doing things. Also, with the idea of trying to get babies to become more independent sooner, feeding them "meals" at earlier ages has become common. They do not need solid food purees for nutrition, yet much money is spent on these things by many. I bought one jar of pureed prunes once (Cecilia had eaten a lot of banana as one of her first solids and was a bit constipated!), and that is all the baby food i have had to buy, ever, for two children. I love that I have not had to spend the money - it just hasn't been necessary! Many things that are marketed for babies and toddlers just isn't necessary - and if babies don't need any nutrition from solids until they are old enough to eat actual foods rather than purees, then they are not necessary. They can just earn about foods and learn about feeding themselves by experimenting with bits of real food. A banana, an avocado, a little container of peas, some O cereal - all can easily be tossed into the diaper bag for convenience for a baby who might need to a little food to play and learn with while the big people are eating a meal out.

Now, I don't mean to sound like people should never spoon-feed their babies... if the child is lunging for your applesauce or yogurt at age 9 months, it is probably a good idea to hold the spoon for him at first. There are some foods that adults eat in pureed form, after all, and we require a spoon to do so! Once a baby is close to a year, he really can control a spoon decently if given the chance to practice a bit, especially with something thick like yogurt before moving on to watery soups.

Self-feeding encourages a baby to move toward independence, but at his own pace - not in an effort to fill him up on solids, but in a way in which he can control what he is eating - just as he does when he nurses. Breasts do not have lines on them marking how many ounces the baby consumed... so in the same way a baby regulates how much he takes in at the breast, he can do the same if allowed to self-feed.

I really like the above-linked article for good info on this topic... it is what first opened my eyes to this way of baby-feeding. As with many things for me, I am skeptical of the cultural way of doing things and of marketing techniques for more products than just baby-related ones... I tend toward the "is this really the way nature intended it to be?" and "is this necessary, or can I use my money better somewhere else?" when it comes to choices I make about my babies. I try to stick to doing things as close to naturally as possible overall, and baby self-feeding seems to fit in line with that.

photos are of Cecilia's first self-feeding attempts around seven months of age

All Hallow's Eve, 2009!

We had a fun Halloween here! We had two little pumpkins in our house! We like the fun of dressing up and carving a pumpkin, trick-or-treating... while trying to limit the amount of candy! Some interesting reading on how Hallowe'en (which is the shortened form of All Hallow's Eve, All Hallows meaning All Saints, which is the solemnity celebrated on November 1st) - and how it is not just a secular holiday full of gore and commercialism but actually has Christian roots - can be found here.

Caroline and Cecilia carried some old McDonald's Happy Meal plastic pumpkins from 1998... I had bought them in college, reminiscent of the ones they had in the 80s which my mom wouldn't take us to get... and I saved them.

On Friday, Caroline's class at her Mothers' Morning Out trick-or-treated around the school. The girls seemed to be over their colds for the most part, so I took Caroline just for this part. Here she is doing a pumpkin song with the group in which they sing about buying pumpkins at a patch - they traded their teacher a coin for a little toy pumpkin as they went around the circle.

Caroline's whole class posing together in a hallway while they were going trick-or-treating to each room.

Cecilia didn't know what to make of it...

Caroline wanted the jack-o-lantern to have circle eyes (with eyelashes but no pupils), a triangle nose, and a smile with two teeth on top and two on the bottom. I sketched it onto the pumpkin and Daddy carved it out.

Cecilia enjoyed looking inside to see the candle. She loved wearing her costume on Friday, Saturday, and last week at my mom's preschool. She got irritated when we had to take it off!

Caroline's costume was mine in 1984, when I was five years old. It used to have a jack-o-lantern mask that went with it, but that has gotten misplaced. I was going to put Cecilia in the other old jack-o-lantern costume that my little brothers wore... but we couldn't find it. My mom made both of those costumes. But I did find this jack-o-lantern costume for Cecilia at a consignment sale. The girls wanted to match, as they so often like to do!

Our friends down the street invited us to come to their cul-de-sac for a hot dog roast dinner on Halloween! It had been raining all day, so we gathered in the home one of the neighbors. Caroline poses with her friend Brianna, who was a ladybug.

Caroline got to try roasting a hot dog over the fire pit... it was too hot for her and she only lasted a few minutes. Cecilia looks like she is roasting her pumpkin bucket in the background...

Look at all the food - YUM!! We had the hotdogs, veggies and dip, a taco-type dip with chips, cheese and crackers, strawberries, turtle-type candies (square pretzels with a Rolo candy melted on top and a pecan pressed into the top!!), and homemade donuts!!! That street knows how to party! ;)

Cecilia eating some dinner with Daddy

The Johnston and Lewis kids (minus 3 month old Alex), ready to trick-or-treat after the party. We had a ladybug, two pumpkins, Little Red Riding Hood, a clown, and Spiderman. I have a clown costume that Cecilia could have worn, but Caroline wanted them to match and I thought it'd be cute... but it also would have been cute if both of the one year olds had been clowns! I think if you click on this picture, you can see it larger.

And now on to November!

Happy Halloween, All Saints Day, and All Souls Day to everyone!

Food Tips Friday

Today's food tip: pureed spinach!

I mentioned the last time how I stir a bit of pureed spinach into boxed mac n cheese to make it a little healthier. But there are many other uses for pureed spinach! I steam it until wilted, put it in the food processor, and then freeze it in ice cube trays. Sometimes I will freeze a fourth to a half cup in a baggie as well.

Our favorite use for pureed spinach is in scrambled eggs. I thaw a cube or two and whisk it in while beating the eggs... a little grated cheese is very good in the scrambled eggs, too. The spinach is very obvious and not disguised at all, but for reluctant children, maybe it could be seen as "green eggs" like the Dr. Seuss book... I have also stirred it into egg casseroles and souffles.

I also like to stir some pureed spinach into spaghetti sauce (along with grated or pureed carrot sometimes). It becomes disguised this way unless you use a whole lot! I use the sauce for lasagne as well (look for lasagne in a future Food Tips Friday post).

I also like to make personal pita pizzas... take a small can of tomato sauce (I only use about half of it for four or so pitas and then freeze the rest) and stir in some pureed spinach. Then spread it on pita bread and cover with shredded mozerella and whatever toppings you would like. Bake it at 400 for just a few minutes. Yum!! This is a relatively quick hot lunch idea, especially if the cheese is already grated. Putting the pizzas on a foil-lined baking sheet is not a bad idea here... easier cleanup.

I have heard also that some people throw a little spinach into smoothies. I have not tried this myself, but it is not supposed to change the taste or color...

Anyone else have a use for spinach (pureed or not) that you'd like to share?

Random Bits...

Today we made pumpkin cutout cookies. I think I have mentioned my favorite rollout cookie recipe before... I make it any time I need rollout cookies, but it is obviously best suited for fall, having pumpkin in it! We have been eating lots of good fall foods lately... pumpkin pancakes and cookies, pumpkin-pear soup, butternut squash soup, roasted veggie stew (I tried rutabagas yesterday for the first time!), grilled cheese and tomato soup...

Caroline (after much hand-washing) helped to roll, cut, and decorate the cookies. We used pumpkin, cat, and ghost cookie cutters. Then she put mini chocolate chips and raisins on for their faces.

Oh, and we tried pomegranate seeds for the eyes on one cat and one ghost. Pretty evil-looking...
If we are well for our hot dog roast on Halloween night, we'll bring these for dessert! I love that they are slightly sweet... only a half cup of sugar (I use Sucanat) in the recipe. Yay for relatively healthy desserts! Hmm, I should make a pear crisp for dessert one night soon, too!

Caroline shows off her work - a full tin of cookies (with the evil cat on the top).

So, other random things from our life recently...

I was reading The New Baby to Caroline and Cecilia (who calls it "Nude Baby" - that is how she says "new"). It is a Little Golden Book from the 70s - which the illustrations show very clearly. The dad's suit, the wallpaper, the mother's maternity clothes... what a hoot! I enjoyed this book myself as a child, which is why we have it now for my children. The funniest thing is that there is a room in the story which has a window seat... and I swear, it looks exactly like our room with the window seat before we painted it - complete with the same teal blue paint on it and the doorway trim and everything. So, in this book, the deliveryman brings a big box to the house, and it says that he "put it by the window." Now, this meant inside the house because the mother had let him in when he knocked, but Caroline thought it meant that he left the package on the porch next to a window. "But if he leaves it there, people will think they are putting it on Freecycle!"she exclaims.

Caroline held a chicken for the first time yesterday. She pulls them up close to her chest and kind of hugs them, not caring about their poopy feet getting too close to her like I am when I hold them! The chickens have still not laid any eggs... scared eggless, maybe? They do seem to have recovered emotionally... back to their normal selves. No PTSD for them, I guess... must be tougher (or just dumber?) than my parents' cat, Mason, who seemed to have suffered from PTSD for a few years after the other cat died and a new one was brought home in its place. Poor Mason, she had just recently returned to "normal" (it didn't seem normal any more after several years of her extra-aloof skitterishness!), and then disaster struck: she was stranded on a shelf in my parents' basement when it flooded. Welcome back, Mason's PTSD. She's back to her other "normal" now, at least when I visit, anyway...

Speaking of traumatic... Cecilia has developed a deep fear of...

...MUSHROOMS! Wild mushrooms, that is. We have had them in our yard for months now, what with all the rain... but not quite as many as we had yesterday. And these were different - little red-topped ones. Cecilia was walking along, when suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks and looked horrified. It was like she was frozen - couldn't go on, couldn't go back. She'd spread her legs apart a bit and was looking down, crying, about the mushrooms. She refuses to walk near them if she notices them ahead of time. She even stood next to the house at one point yesterday while I was helping Caroline find hot dog roasting sticks, saying firmly, "Go 'WAY, mushrooms!" I seriously do not know what has brought this on... it's her first real fear that we have noticed! If the mushrooms have her "trapped," she will just fuss until I come to rescue her. She cannot just walk around them or run back to me, for some reason...

Hmm, what else? Cecilia continues to try to get out of diaper changes by insisting, "No, DRY!!!" whenever we ask her if her diaper is wet. She is into big-kid games: "Play playdoh!" "Play Brown Bear!" Other-saur is still somewhat important to her, but seems to be fading a bit in popularity, just like "Shick-il-ay Cow" did. Speaking of, the real Chick-fil-A cow came to my mom's preschool last week when we were there... Cecilia was so excited when she saw him walk by in the hall and ran out of my mom's office, with Caroline aka Little Mommy running after her and dragging her back to me, as I was trying to wolf down my last few bites of lunch and clear up the kids' empty yogurt containers and such off my mom's desk... So, when we actually went up to "Shick-il-ay Cow" outside the building (he was standing there to greet people in the carpool line to advertise the school's Chick-fil-A night, in which portions of the sales go to the preschool)... the cow reached out to shake Cecilia's hand, and she immediately did a 180! She put her head to my shoulder and her eyes got huge, and she let out a cry... that cry of hers that says, "You hurt my feelings so completely and totally, how could you???" I guess the cow is really just HUGE in person compared to her little cow from the kids' meal! She regained her composure when she saw that i was shaking his hand and that Caroline wasn't in any danger... and she even touched his hand ever-so-slightly, and joyously waved and yelled to him as we left. There is a photo, but it is on my mom's camera... [Edited to add: Today, in listening to Cecilia talk about her little cow, she was saying "Click-lay Cow." Caroline insists that's how she has said it all along, but I really thought she was making more of a "sh" sound last week...]

Caroline unloaded all the dry clothes from two drying racks for me today! I like to take laundry outside to fold while they play (that is, when I am not summoned to defeat the evil mushrooms), and honestly, some days it takes an act of Congress to get out the door! Is dinner in the oven? Does everyone have shoes? Water bottles? Go to the bathroom? Oh, another nasty poop diaper? Okay then, we'll be headed outside in a few minutes... Do we need jackets? Do we need to change into short sleeves and remove our socks and find our sandals? So, having the laundry tossed into a basket for me while I dealt with the diaper was so helpful! Ever notice how it takes much longer to hang, unhang, or fold a load of little kid clothes? Same amount of fabric, so many more articles of clothes!

Observation: The hand towel in my main bathroom is never dry. Never. Well, maybe first thing in the morning. I guess that's what happens when it gets used by somebody every hour all day.

Cecilia got new potty from IKEA. It cost $3.99!! And it is RED! She likes to try to stand in it. It requires a great deal of adjustment for her to decide she's on it comfortably... she stands up and asks me to "Scoot better" until she is satisfied with its positioning. Other notes in Cecilia's speech: her favorite word for about a month now has been "also." She uses it correctly and often. She can sing much of "Five Little Pumpkins" on her own. She acts like she gets the inside joke regarding how I said "da-bahn man" instead of "gingerbread man" when I was little as she giggles and says, "Gwampa... no, Daddy... da-bahn MAN!" Two other popular phrases are "Want Mommy!" - often pronounced as "Muhnt Mommy!" lately, and "Do self!" or "Cici turn!" And it is always funny to us when Cecilia hands us her plate of food and asks us to blow on it if it is too hot, and then, if she is not satisfied, she asks us to "blow loud." I think it is interesting that she has lost her use of possessives for the most part... she was adding s to the end of many words to show ownership when she began to talk at about 14 months! She is also getting tooth number 17. Only three more to go!!!

Oh, and Cecilia ate dirt today. Or at least smeared it around her mouth.

Finally, more of Cecilia's drawings. Caroline did the writing on the envelope, but the rest is Cecilia's doing. my mom watched her draw last week and said, "Do you know that she is holding the crayon correctly... and in both hands??" I hadn't noticed, but she was right. She also pointed out that most young children put their elbow up in the air as they hold the crayon - Cecilia does not. She rests her hand and arm on the paper as she works. Weird. Guess I'd better force her to begin handwriting at age 2, ha!

Sickies

They don't really look like it, huh? No, we don't have swine flu... the girls and I have been battling colds since the weekend. Chris, who went on an airplane, hasn't gotten sick at all - not ironic though, because he was taking Airborne! So he's probably been able to fend off the cold bugs better because of that!

We have been having a slow week due to the cold. I was down on Monday - bad back as well as the cold - and it was pretty bad, so Chris stayed home from work that day. Cecilia started with the cold the next day, and Caroline after her. They are both at the last stages, I think (the keep yourself- and everyone else- awake coughing stage). So we have been laying low... and we had a very enjoyable day on Wednesday, even though both girls were snotty and coughy.

That is tea in Cecilia's cup - raspberry herbal tea with honey. I was hoping the honey especially would feel soothing on their throats. Caroline, surprisingly, drank all the tea and has been asking for more twice a day!! She has never liked tea, hot chocolate, or much of anything else besides water in a cup. Cecilia drank it up when I first gave her some, but since then she has asked for it and then not drunk any. We are washing hands a lot, drinking hot tea, the girls are taking their cod liver oil and I am taking extra vitamin C... and I just ordered some dried elderberries to make elderberry syrup (for future use). Hoping we'll be well enough for Halloween!

It was a dreary day in addition to us being sick... rainy and blah. When are we going to see some real autumn days, the kinds with crisp blue skies and bright sun with highs in the 60s? Oh well, if we are going to be stuck inside and with colds, then we can still enjoy the fact that it is fall. I bought some pumpkin butter at Trader Joe's - yum!! Rice cakes with cream cheese and pumpkin butter with a cup of hot tea, cuddled up reading books on the couch (well, after the rice cakes were consumed, that is)... then watching a bit of Little Bear with Caroline... we had a relaxing and fun fall day, even if it wasn't filled with raking leaves and carving pumpkins!

Daybook for October 25, 2009

Outside my window... it was a beautiful, perfect fall day today. Too bad I couldn't really enjoy it... I have a sore throat and a cold along with all that fun stuff that goes along with it: difficulty breathing through the nose, sinus pressure and headache. Thankfully it is just a cold - no fever, no flu symptoms!

I am thinking... about the great time we had in Atlanta... Caroline and Cecilia got to play at Gramma's preschool on the playground and at the costume parade Thursday evening. I had fun helping out and running my typical Atlanta errands to the stores that I don't have near my home.

I am wondering... how Halloween got to be the second largest commercial holiday in recent years... it's crazy! There are entire Halloween superstores now... and why do they sell such utterly disgusting and/or trashy costumes lately? And why do adults dress up for Halloween nowadays? I am not talking about parents who dress up with their kids, but single adult people who dress up each year. Even for somebody who dressed up to trick-or-treat through her senior year in high school, it is weird.

I am thankful... that Caroline and Chris don't seem to be sick... just CC and me.

Learning at home... we weren't really at home much at all last week. We did extended family learning. And shopping learning. Caroline is very good at controlling the kid shopping carts at both Whole Foods and Trader Joe's. And for those familiar with TJ's, Caroline found *two* Joeys in the same trip this time!


From the kitchen... some easy stuff since I am sick. I want to make an autumn stew w/ roasted veggies one day. Oh, and Chris made a spiced apple bread (mix from Trader Joe's) to take to the neighbors who found one of our lost chickens - ALIVE!! We think that it is Eat. Guessing that More was eaten by the dog. She took the hit for the other three hens.

Eat, home again!

I am reading... the latest New Beginnings magazine from La Leche League.

To live the liturgy... I would love to attend an All Saints party one year in the near future. For now, I am not sure what we'll do for All Saints day... go to Mass, of course.

I am creating... this blog post. That's about as good as I can do right now. I helped make baked beans for the costume parade Thursday...

Around the house... some laundry, cleaning sinks and toilets that didn't get cleaned last week. And my favorite: unpacking.

I am hearing... Bud Dickman's Weekly Top Ten from April 2001 (on Chris's computer in the sunroom). Which is making me realize that eight years ago, I was working in a daycare center as my last summer job.

One of my favorite things... Cecilia's laugh!

A few plans for the rest of the week... Friday, there is a costume party at Caroline's MMO, but I don't know yet if we will go. Saturday is Halloween, and we will trick-or-treat as well as attend a bonfire/cookout in our neighbors' cul-de-sac, which should be lots of fun!

A picture thought I am sharing... more TJs pics and CC with Gramma:

Why do I...

...take my children with me to Mass? Why don't I leave them in the church nursery? After all, if I cannot focus totally on what is being said, read, and sung, aren't I missing the whole point of being there anyway? If I can't concentrate totally, why do I go at all?

I have been posting a bunch lately, but there will probably be a lull over the next four days while I am in Atlanta visiting my family while hubby takes a business trip...

Anyway, back to the initial question... which has many answers. There are lots of reasons why I bring my children to Mass with me from the time they are tiny babies, and lots of reasons why I do not leave them in the nursery. I am going to begin with why I don't leave them in the nursery because that relates more to the attachment parenting perspective.

First, I would be interested to hear - in case people from different regions want to chime in on this - how common are church nurseries in your area? I have been told that among Catholics, it is a southern thing and that many Catholic churches in the North do not have nurseries. I am not sure if this regional difference is the same with most Protestant denominations...

One of the key pieces of parenting, to me, is the attachment process with my babies. In order to best facilitate this, many mother who practice AP keep their babies with them at all times. So, leaving the baby in the nursery - even if only for an hour - is a disruption to the concept of mother-baby togetherness. A nursing baby of course needs access to the breast frequently, and so unless the mother is also in the nursery, then the baby cannot nurse on-demand (another thing most AP mothers do is nurse on-demand rather than on a set schedule). So for the most basic reason, as an AP parent I don't leave my children in the nursery because I believe in keeping them with me - and I am in the church!

Other reasons for avoiding the nursery are numerous and probably some knit-picky... and this is in no way meant to bash church nurseries. I am sure many have competent, loving caregivers and are clean, safe environments. Not having used the one at my own church, I have no idea. But I have worked in day care enough though to have some concerns regarding the environment of child care facilities. So many of these reasons also go along with things that make me leery of any child care facilities for babies and toddlers!
So, some other reasons:
* Is it really clean in the church nursery? How often do they sweep, vacuum, sanitize tables and changing tables, clean the toys that other babies put into their mouths?
* Especially during cold and flu season, do I want to expose my children to the germs there? Again, if the cleaning is not adequate and hand washing is not done enough, then illnesses are likely to spread. Some parents don't keep their kids home if they are sick, and many church nurseries don't have (or don't enforce) a policy about children with fevers, snotty noses, coughs, etc. A friend recently shared her concerns that some of the kids in the nursery may go to day care during the week, increasing the amount of germs they are exposed to and then bring into the nursery environment.
* Do I know the caregivers? Many people do, I am sure. My concerns about caregivers are how attentive they would be if my baby was crying and how they would handle discipline. I have seen caregivers put 20 month old children in time-out for crying because they missed their mothers! To me, that is not acceptable, nor is yelling at one and two year olds from across the room rather than going and physically helping them carry out your requests.
* What about food? Some church nurseries will provide a snack - is it something I want my child to eat each week? For a toddler who may not eat much anyway, I would want to make every calorie count, and if they are eating sugary snacks, white flour, HFCS, artificial colors, etc., then they would be even less likely to eat something more nutritious at lunchtime. Also, what about children with allergies? Do they take precautions so that those children are not exposed to allergens? Do the caregivers share the children's food around with other kids? I have seen that happen - the food brought by one child is given to another because the first child wasn't eating it. Then mom and dad think kid ate the food when in reality, some other kid (whose parent may not have wanted them to eat the colored Goldfish crackers!) ate it.
* What are their beliefs regarding babies? Will they leave them in the bouncy seat, the exersaucer, the swing as much as possible and only pick them up to feed or change them? Do they feel that babies should be content to be sitting alone the whole time and yell out, "Oh, you're okay!" to a crying 9 month old?
* Babies and toddlers are not "social" in that they need to interact with other kids their age. Developmentally, this is just not true. A 20 month old does not have to be around other one and two year olds to "have friends" and learn how to "get along with others." This will come with maturity. Much better is for children to be around loving adults and mixed ages of children. The older ones pave the way for the younger ones, helping to teach them new things and how the routines of life go by their example.

So maybe I am a bit paranoid here, but I have seen lots of things in daycare settings, mother's morning outs, and church nurseries that I wouldn't want happening to or around my baby or young toddler. If a teacher hands out a few potato chips to my three year old, it's not such a big deal, but if they are feeding them to my 14 month old while she is walking around the room... a much bigger problem in my opinion.

So, on to the most important thing: why do I take my children to Mass? It is not just so I can avoid leaving them in the nursery!

I believe in going to church as a family. Mass is a weekly event - maybe one day we'll work in some daily Masses as well ;) - and for Catholics, this is obligatory. We don't skip Mass unless there is a serious reason such as illness. We attend Mass when we travel, even if it is inconvenient. Therefore, it is not an option to just not go to Mass. So even if I end up in the vestibule (fancy word for an entrance or lobby-type area, in case anyone is unfamiliar with the term) because my toddler is fussy or squirmy or loud, then I still am obligated to go. For Catholics, the meaning of Mass is the Eucharist. We go because we are supposed to go and worship Jesus and receive Him in Holy Communion. It does not matter if I miss the readings or cannot sing the hymns... it is not about me, and it is certainly not about how Mass makes me feel or what I get out of it. It is about worshipping Jesus, not about meeting my needs to feel spiritually fulfilled. Of course, it is nice to feel spiritually fulfilled, and all people go through times where they feel less fulfilled than other times in their lives. Perhaps being occupied with small children is one of those times... and perhaps it can become more spiritually fulfilling if embraced with an attitude of, "I am working to raise souls for Christ, and I am trying to be compassionate to my children as He would be to them. he would want us to teach them about Him, to bring them to Him, even if they cannot behave in a quiet, "church-like" manner." Offering up your sacrifices of not being able to follow the whole homily )or missing part of the Mass due to a temper tantrum or a fussy baby, or whatever) is a way of worshipping God. We turn our hardships over to Him and unite our suffering with His, remembering that He suffered far more than we are due to not being able to hear the Gospel reading! We can always go back at a quieter moment (or do this ahead!) and read the Mass readings ourselves if we feel we need more spiritual nourishment and understanding.

So, Mass is a family event for us. We feel that as parents, we are the primary educators of our children as God has assigned us to be, and we take that role seriously with regard to religious instruction from infancy! And since doing is one of the best ways of learning, we do Mass with our children. They learn that it is so important for us to be there - and that it is important to us that they are there! Some churches have a "children's liturgy," which I have somewhat mixed feelings on (okay, only slight mixed feelings - I am mostly not in favor of it!). I do think it is good that they are trying to provide religious instruction on a level that perhaps is better understood by the children, but again, they leave their parents to do so (unless parents come with them, thus leaving Mass for the readings and homily), and I like that the children return for the most important part of the Mass. However, often the children's liturgy is done in contradiction to the GIRM (General Instruction of the Roman Missal) , which states that an ordained priest or deacon be the only one who presents the Gospel during the Liturgy of the Mass. There are often not enough of them to go around, and the instruction of the children's liturgy often falls on a lay volunteer. Also, I am sure that some offer a reverent atmosphere and present good information for the children, but I am also sure that some are merely controlled chaos. I also don't care for the idea of taking the children out of the Mass - it sends an unintentional message that Mass is only for older children and adults, and that little kids need something "fun" and "special" to make Mass worth their while (I have posted about the child-centered stuff before! ;).

By keeping the children in Mass with us from infancy on, they grow up learning the appropriate ways to behave in Mass. I know that some people keep their children in church even if they are wailing nonstop, and all the parents do is ignore or make empty threats about "if you don't stop, we're going to x..." and then not following through on that. I am sure we have all seen this, and so I want to state that I am not condoning keeping the children within the church when they are interfering with other parishioners' worship. I think little baby noises are fine, hearing a child's voice here and there, or things like loud and a bit too late "Amens" (my four year old) or the repeating of a response a few times (my 20 month old's "Shall be healed! Shall be healed!"). But if the talking goes on and on, the child is just too loud and doesn't understand the concept of whispering or cannot apply it very well (we lucked out so bad on that one with Caroline! Cecilia doesn't get whispering yet...), or if there is crying or otherwise disgruntled baby/toddler noise, then they need to be taken out of the church. I am glad that our church now has closed-circuit TVs in the vestibule. Most churches at least have the sound piped into the vestibule via speakers, which hopefully encourages people to be reverent in the vestibule as well (although it can be really tough if you have to work against a rowdy crew in the vestibule!). Going to the vestibule because of fussing or yelling or whatever is, to me, just a natural reaction, not a punishment. If my four year old was hitting the people in front of us with the songbooks, then I guess it'd be a punishment... but I am talking about taking a crying child out. Mass can be a long experience for a toddler or young preschooler! They might just need the change of scenery. But going into the vestibule is not a "reward" for us, either. Cecilia does not get down to run around and play when we go there. It is hard if other kids are running back and forth across the room when you get to the vestibule - fortunately this rarely happens anymore, at least not at the Mass we attend. She must stay in my arms or on my lap - so in the sling is a good place for her. Nursing is also something we might do in the vestibule if she's upset, although we'll nurse in Mass as well if she is not making a loud disruption... nothing quieter than a nursing toddler in Mass (except for maybe a sleeping one!) - and not only is she being still and relatively quiet, which is appropriate Mass behavior, but I get to stay in the church and hear some of the readings too! Nursing in Mass is win-win, in my opinion.

So, what can be done so that the entire Mass is not spent taking children in and out? This in itself can be disruptive to some parishioners, although if done a few times at appropriate times in the Mass, I think it can be done respectfully. Some of the things I have done in Mass to try to keep the toddlers content (it is usually not the babies, who are content to sleep in the sling or nurse or just be held):
* Point out important parts of the Mass, important people. "Here comes the cross down the aisle! the priest is following behind. There he goes up to the altar." Name the priest and deacon and point them out. This is all done in whispers and subtle gestures, of course.
* Point out the sacramentals within the church... the prayer candles, the tabernacle and red candle ("That means Jesus is here with us!"), the stained-glass windows, the statues of saints, the crucifix... some churches have these along the sides and in the back, where you can walk a bit with the restless child in your arms and look at these things yet not disturb anyone else. I know this is not an option in some other Christian denominations that may not have many candles or statues, etc... I love that we have these "teaching tools" available for our children (and ourselves!) to learn through our senses of sight and touch and smell!
* Sing the hymns and say the responses. These happen throughout the Mass, so they offer variety along with the sit, stand, kneel variety... there are different things going on frequently during the Mass!
* Try to sit close to the front (but on the aisle in case of need for quick escape!). When they can see the altar more clearly, there is more to keep them interested. This might not work well until the child is two or three years old, though... some toddlers might not care at all. Caroline got to the point where she knew Father Jim would genuflect behind the altar, and she would say, "Peekaboo!" quietly when he stood back up and was visible again.
* Try not to bring in many toys, food, and other items intended to distract. The reasons we don't do this are because we don't want to set the expectation that we bring toys in Mass - once they are older, the toys will have to be taken away! I also don't want the toys to become scattered around and annoying to people nearby. That said, sometimes rummaging through Mom's purse for a moment can be a relief to her if she has a busy toddler. A plastic rosary, a couple holy cards, or a small children's Bible can be used as well. Cecilia liked to pick up a "Pray for Vocations" card with the Pope on it from the vestibule. I have seen parents handle toys in church very well and not so well... bringing just a few quiet items, maybe books or a few pencils and paper... while we really don't bring anything "extra" to Mass, I don't think it is a bad thing unless parents overdo it. Many parents are very mindful when their children's items are about to cause a distraction. Some are not - and you end up with markers being used on the church furniture and strewn across the vestibule floor where people need to walk. My concern is that if more and more/bigger and better toys are needed each week to keep a child satified, then what will that turn into? I have seen older kids (five, seven, ten) playing Gameboys (or whatever handheld video game systems are called nowadays!) in Mass - some with headphones on, some with the volume turned up where people around them can hear it! I even saw a kid who was playing his video game during the consecration (for non-Catholics, this is the point in the Mass where the priest is holding up the bread and wine which are becoming the Body and Blood of Christ - the most important and reverent part of the Mass!) and he apparently was having trouble getting past a certain point in the game - so he handed the video game to his mom, who willingly obliged and got him past the difficult spot right there while the priest was doing the consecration! Even if our own children are being disruptive during Mass, we can teach them by example and model the appropriate way to behave in church - and not playing video games, or even allowing them in the church building, can be a way to model this! I like to remember that even if my children are behaving inappropriately, my own reaction is more important than what other people think about them being obnoxious or about me "not disciplining them" right or not putting them in the nursery in the first place... what is important is that I show my child how to behave, that I remove him if he is getting to actually be disruptive - which communicates to him that we don't stay in church if we are loud, rowdy, whatever - and that I give him ample opportunities to be in church so he will gradually learn how to behave there.

For us, we always start Mass inside the actual church and move out to the vestibule if needed. Caroline can remain in Mass the whole time, rarely needing to be taken out at this point. So one of us (almost always Daddy) stays with her (while I take the toddler out). I can see that if we had two or three younger ones that it may be more difficult - if both parents are occupied with squirmy/fussy babies and/or toddlers, then it may be a better option to start in the vestibule or in the back of the church right near an exit until the youngest ones are a bit older, and then they can gradually try to sit in the church... baby steps. Even if you have to be in the vestibule the entire time, the point is that you are going and your children know that Mass on Sundays is something that the family does. You are not staying home because the children cannot handle it - you are going and working on it and making the best of it, all while teaching them through example that Mass is important!

I know there is more I could say on this (but it is late!)... Mass is very important to Catholics, and including the children helps them to learn that it is a way of life for us. My children end up learning the responses and prayers and many hymns just be being there at church. They learn the Stations of the Cross and terminology like Pascal candle, bapismal font, and tabernacle. They learn to genuflect and to make the Sign of the Cross. They learn about what it means to be Catholic.

And a bit more...

A little more to add to the NFP topic following the video I embedded in the last post... this is very important in understanding why homosexual unions should not be defined as being the same as marriage between a man and a woman.

The Difference is the Difference is the name of the article... h/t to That Married Couple for the post which linked me to this article.

The article is not a long read at all, and for those who feel strongly about defending traditional marriage, it is a must-read. But it also concerns me... without the fullness of the understanding of the differences between man and woman, without the truth about human sexuality as presented by Catholicism, what is to stop gay marriage from becoming legally the same as traditional marriage? I have thought a lot about this, and I cannot defend it properly without coming back to the birth control issue. If anyone else can argue against gay "marriage" effectively without including the heterosexual couples being open to life, then I would sure like to hear it! Once you take away the major difference between homosexual acts and heterosexual acts - procreation - then there is not much of a difference any more. Sex becomes only for pleasure in both cases, whether new life cannot be transmitted because of biological impossibilities (as with homosexual acts), or when the sexual act is rendered sterile purposely by heterosexual couples.

More relating to NFP...

A video here that discusses some reasons for not using contraception... and there is much much more written on the subject of how birth control becoming widely accepted began the breakdown of the family and the obsession with sex in our culture over the past century.

Eat and More are No More; Presumed Eaten

Here are the survivors, Chicken and Sally (the barred rocks). We recovered them late Friday afternoon. Chris got home a bit earlier than normal and came inside asking, "What happened to our chickens?!??" I had been about to take the girls outside myself... Chris reported that the chicken wire on one side of the coop had been pulled back and that one of the chickens was laying in the yard, but the rest were nowhere to be seen!

The one laying in the yard - Chicken - was apparently just sunning herself, although from the way Chris described it, I thought maybe she'd been in shock until he found her and picked her up. Chris followed the trail of feathers to the next door neighbor's yard. Thank goodness they hadn't thrown out their pile of old campaign signs - Sally had been able to take shelter there from whatever had attacked them! Chris pulled her out, and then we went searching for the Australorps. Chris walked through backyards while the girls and I circled the block, looking for any signs of the two missing chickens.

The scene of the crime - this photo was taken after we'd moved the chicken tractor for the day. Lots of feathers...

...spilled food, too. The feeder had been knocked down completely. We could not figure out what animal would be strong enough to pull the staple-gunned chicken wire off the wood! The only predator we'd seen so far was a hawk which landed on the swingset and freaked out the chickens about two weeks ago. While it is unlikely that a hawk could have pulled off the wire - have you seen how BIG those birds are up close?? I wasn't going to put anything past one...

Another thought was raccoons, since they can actually grab things, so maybe they could have pulled the wire off. But this happened in broad daylight - right under our noses! The girls and I were in the house when it happened. Raccoons are generally nocturnal...

Back to the Australorp search: we found their feathers in the same neighbor's yard where Sally had been hiding. Then they went back to the steep slope that leads to another neighbor's house behind ours. The trail split once in the front of the house, and one set of black feathers went into one yard while the other went into the next yard... and then both stopped. No sign of the birds anywhere - not in any bushes, nothing. At this point I printed up "Lost Chickens" signs for Chris to put up around the neighborhood!

The girls collected some of the feathers today - so now we have a keepsake of the 'Lorpie-Lorpies, as Caroline and I liked to refer to them. Too bad following the evidence left behind did not lead us to them! They were such pretty birds... if they don't show up in the next few days (which I am not holding my breath about), we will get some more. The seller we got all four hens from doesn't have any more Australorps - we bought his last two. He has more rocks, but I'd really like to have the variety. Australorps are supposed to be better layers. they are slightly bigger birds and prettier, in my opinion, but also more aloof. The rocks are more social, coming to investigate whenever we go out to see them, pecking at things we hold through the cage... and hey, they are the breed that survived this attack, right? The fact that Chicken was just laying there in our yard speaks to her humorous character... I wonder where she went to escape, or if she just stayed put while the other birds were chased?

So today, there was a new revelation in the chicken tragedy...

I found this new hole in the chicken wire after chasing off a dog. A medium-sized yet very sturdy-looking dog was running back and forth outside the chicken tractor, and the rocks were going nuts over it. So outside I ran, freshly-awoken toddler in one arm, screaming at the dog to get out of here, go home, get away... even when I picked up a stick and a board and chased him, he didn't care. He looked at me in a friendly way, even though I was screaming like a lunatic at him. Finally, he did leave the yard... I tried to catch him by his collar when he would lay down, but he was too quick. I noticed the damage he'd done to the wire after he ran across the street to pester the neighbor's dogs.

Here's a second hole I found. These were both big enough for me to put my hand through... and it didn't take long for him to make them, because I'd been out to check on the chickens just a while before noticing the dog being out there.

Chris had nailed boards over the edge of the chicken wire after Friday's attack... so that whatever had done it couldn't pull the wire off again. We hadn't counted on this animal coming back and biting through the chicken wire... and breaking off the boards with its teeth!!!

Here are the teeth marks in the broken off piece of a board.

Chicken: "Thanks for running off that dog before he broke all the way into our home. Now will you please fix our roost so I don't have to perch on it all crooked like this???"

I called Animal Control since the dog wouldn't leave the area (the neighbor's dogs were still quite irritated by this dog standing on the other side of their fence, taunting them!). They said they'd send somebody out. In the meantime, the kid across the street had come outside to see what all the barking was about - his house is next to the neighbors who have the dogs that were in their fenced yard. He seemed to be trying to coax the stray dog away, because he had a bowl of something in his hand. I called out to him and asked if he knew who owned the dog. He told me it belonged to his friend, and that it was "wild" and had gotten off its chain before.

Then Animal Control called back. The officer said they'd received a call about the same dog earlier, had come out to look, and couldn't find it anywhere in the neighborhood. He said they couldn't come back today but would come by sometime tomorrow. He also asked if I could find out where the dog lived (uhh, well, he's in my yard... so no, I can't really tell where he lives because he's not there!!). The kid across the street was out again, so i asked him if he knew the address - he said no, but he told me the street. So, I told the Animal Control guy this, but he said they'd come back if they knew which house so they could speak to the owners. Really helpful, huh? Anyway, in driving around the neighborhood, I remembered a dog being chained in a fenceless yard about the same size as this dog... that may very well be the house. I will have to ask the neighbor kid if that's the house. Not sure if we should talk to the owners or just tell Animal Control where the dog lives... the neighbor kid may well tell them I called Animal Control, because I told him that's who I was talking to, hoping that if we knew where the dog lived, they could catch him and take him home and then tell his owners he needed a fence or something.

So, if there's no way to ensure this dog won't get back in our yard again, we had to take precautions. Chris stopped at Lowe's and bought a stronger wire - hardware cloth, it is called. It is a finer weave and is thicker gauge wire, and it costs much more than the chicken wire did... we will watch closely to make sure the dog can't bite holes in this! If he does, I am going to be scared of him! ;)

So, Chicken and Sally have fewer feathers and are therefore easier to handle - less feathers to flap when trying to get out of our hands. I am hoping they are warm enough with the colder weather we've been having now. They don't have any bald spots, and they are acting pretty normal overall now. At first they wouldn't come out of the enclosed part of their home and weren't eating much, but they are doing better now, so I am hopeful that they will both survive. They only had a couple minor scratches and the missing feathers. It is hard to tell if they are eating as much as they should since we were seeing four birds eating before, and now the feeder is being filled less frequently. They are a bit smaller so probably eat less, but it is hard to gauge, so we're just keeping an eye on them...

If we end up getting a few more, I will post photos!